Every knowledgeable marriage counselor knows that the inability or unwillingness of husbands to reveal their feelings to their wives is one of the most common complaints of women.
Research shows that little girls are blessed with greater linguistic ability than little boys; it remains a lifelong talent. As an adult, she is typically far better at expressing her thoughts and feelings. God may have given her 50,000 words per day and her husband only 25,000. He comes home with 24,994 used up and disappears into Monday Night Football; she is dying to expend her remaining 25,000 words and find out what he’s thinking, what happened at the office, and, especially, how he feels about her. This difference between him and her—a function of their inherited temperaments—is one of countless ways they are unique.
When communication is a problem, compromise is in order. The clammed‐up husband must press himself to open his heart and share his deeper feelings. The frustrated wife must recognize that her man may not be capable of the emotional intimacy she seeks. They must seek to fix what can be improved—and to accept the rest.
Just between us…
- Is it true in our case that the wife has twice as many words to use up each day as the husband?
- Have our communicative differences created problems between us?
- In terms of sharing feelings, how would you like our marriage to change?
- What hinders good communication between us? How can we change?
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.